Hi Jada, I will be commenting about your storybook cover page as well as your introduction "The Gospels: Tales from Our Dads”. I absolutely loved your title! I love reading and studying the Gospels and I got excited when I saw that your storybook would be written about the Gospels. The cover page photo was very nice and simple but also portrayed the “dads” that were soon to be written about in the introduction, which was great. The words were kind of hard to read against that bright red background though, maybe think about using a different color that would still catch a reader’s attention but be easier to read off of! Your introduction was awesome. I felt like I was a little kid or teenager reading right along with the narrator. I loved the attitude that was portrayed and also the sense of embarrassment that he felt when he was reading his report. I can definitely relate! The idea of these kids coming together and bonding over their dads is pretty cool as well. Dads play such an important role in kids’ lives and the way you have made these characters idolize their dad is a great idea to base your storybook off of. I can not wait to read more about the stories these kids will be telling us about Jesus!
Overall my first impression of the cover page on your storybook is that it really succeeded in catching my attention! I have heard before that red is the color that is most noticed and that draws the most attention so you did a great job of picking a color! I think that the picture is also a good choice because it is fairly simple but still really interesting to look at; I caught myself examining it for quite some time! I like that you have kept the overall theme pretty simple, I think that that is an important aspect to keep in mind that you don’t want to overwhelm the reader by too many visual aspects going on. I like the name of your story and I think it will really help to draw people in to want to learn more! My overall thoughts on your introduction post were that it was written very well. I think that the fact that you had the kids bonding over their fathers is a great idea because that then allows for others to feel like they can relate! I am intrigued by this story and I look forward to coming back in the semester and reading more!
Hi Jada! I was just wanting to thank you for your lovely comment on my Ramphsinitus Storytelling a few weeks ago! You noticed my Author's Note tat told everyone about how I thought the story would serve better in nursery rhyme format. I really appreciated you seeing that! Thank you again!
Hi Jada! I decided to pick your storybook for my free pick this week. As I was scrolling through the list of storybooks, your title captured my attention. I saw "Gospels" and obviously thought, Gospels from the New Testament, but wasn't sure what "Tales from our Dads" meant. After reading your introduction, I was so excited that I picked your storybook to read this week! How creative to use Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John to be the "dads" in these stories. I like the picture on your cover page. I took a Byzantine Icons class last semester and learned a lot about that kind of art. It's pretty interesting! Your introduction was pretty funny at times because it is from the point of view of a young boy and because all four boys ended up writing their project on the same story. But what a great story it is, the story of Jesus! And I am sure if that teacher had never heard the story of Jesus, which I am assuming she has not, then no wonder she was confused and angry because it seems they obviously all copied each other. I have been reading through the book of Luke so I am excited to see what story you pick from their to retell! I will definitely be coming back to visit your storybook. Good job!
Hey Jada! Going back through my posts so far this semester, I noticed that you have left a few very good comments on my work! I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to really read through my essays and provide solid and motivating feedback for me! It makes this class more enjoyable when you find people who take an interest in what you have to say (regardless of being assigned to a group that requires you to do so)! Thank you!
Hey Jada, I just wanted to take a few minutes to say thank you for all of the positive feedback you've left on my blog posts these past 7 weeks. While constructive criticism is always useful, it's nice to have people let you know that they liked a particular story you posted or perhaps something they read on the introduction that sounded interesting or demonstrated a common interest. Thank you so much!! I hope you have a great semester!!
Hi Jada, I am going to be commenting on your google site as a whole. When I first clicked on the link to your page. I thought that the title was a very interesting pick so I assumed that I was in for a stories based on the bible and the gospel. So I thought this should be an interesting read. I love the use of color and images in your page – I think that it gives it a very traditional or cultural feel I believe is the word. I love how you have pictures of four men and how perfectly your image information fits with it all. Reading your introduction I love how you used a ten your old to make and introduction and the simplicity of the language used. I love how these best friends are going to create a book about all the stories they were told by their dads and I am assuming that these are the stories that will be used in your story book. It really makes me want to read now as I love stories told by children. I really liked how you chose to write you dialect making it easy to follow. You have set it up like a play on stage leaving the reader to use their imagination. Good job so far. I am interested to know what the end of your story book turns out like.
Hi Jada! When I first got to your site, I felt like a lot of the colors were very bright! I do like the white, red, and yellow scheme of your cover page but I would suggest a darker red to make it easier on the eyes. I really like that the introduction is about Elias being young and in school because that really brings these stories together in a modern time frame. This introduction really made me smile because the boys all telling the same story is super cute, especially since it lead to them all being friends and I cannot wait to read the stories you choose from their point of view! I can definitely imagine kids talking about these story in the same way you wrote the perspective from Elias! Did you mean to make the last exclamation point on your introduction page a different color? I went ahead and read your first story too and I was surprised to see that you did it in an interview layout, but I think it really worked for the way Elias is telling the story! You are right in that the commentary adds depth to the story and I like his Dad’s personality. Well done!
Jada, Thank you so much for your feedback on my week 2 storytelling. You had so much insight into my story that I actually based my rewrite of my authors note on your comment! You are a very insightful person and I hope I find more of your comments in the future. Thank you!
Wow Jada....I just took a peek at your Storybook and I thought it was fantastic. First, let me start by saying that I really like your cover page. The picture of the four is a very beautiful image and very fitting for your storybook collection. I am a religious person, but I have to say it’s been a long, long time since I’ve read any of the Bible. And I’ve never read the whole book cover to cover. So, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was pleasantly surprised.
When I started reading your introduction I was captured immediately. I adore children, I’d have a million of them if I could afford them all. So I dearly loved hearing these stories from Elias. The way you wrote the introduction, through a child’s voice ---- PERFECT!!! Really!!! I was smiling, and was imagining sitting and listening to the little guy tell me this in person. This type of storytelling carried over into your first story very nicely as well and I really enjoyed your addition of the father. I couldn’t agree with your author’s note more regarding adding another dimension by letting us “listen,” if you will, to Elias and his father, Matthew, tell us this story.
We’ve all obviously read a lot of storybook introductions and stories by this point in the semester, right? And I’ve enjoyed most of them; some more than others. But I can honestly say, I think yours is one of my favorites. The telling of it touched that little innocent part that we all have in us, no matter how old we get. Keep up the great writing!!
I just wanted to stop by and thank you for leaving such a great comment on my portfolio post! I really appreciate that you said you thought it was interesting how I added in the baby wolf and also that you noticed that I changed the way the characters were portrayed. I also that it is great that you went back and read the original story to compare and contrast! Again thank you for your comment!
Thanks Jada for your comments on my stories! I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your feedback and I'm glad you like my stories. Don't worry, one day I will finish my story about Bri so you can see what really happened to her.
I like how you've chosen a traditional image for your coverpage. I've always loved to see the patterns in which characters from the Bible are depicted in art. Overall, you've done a good job at writing in the tone of a child through the introduction and your first story. For example, you are able to capture Elias' disbelief when he hears that his best friends end up recounting the same story for their reports. I take it as a humorous comment on the similarity of the Gospels in the Bible. Having had read them myself, I know exactly what Elias is talking about.
The back-and-forth you have between Matthew and his son is refreshing. In fact, you might try eliminating the E and M before each line of dialogue. In my opinion, it should be pretty easy to follow who is saying what line.
The most important suggestion I have to make is that you change the color of your background. That red nearly burns my retinas, and I have a hard time making out some of the text upon the background. If you could make that simple change, it would make your Storybook even more enjoyable! In any case, good work!
Jada, I liked the image you selected for your cover page and it got my attention immediately. Because the image is more subdued-looking, I would suggest trying a different background color because I personally find the red to be a little harsh. If you do want to keep the red background, I think white font is a good choice. All the navigation worked fine for me.
Your introduction impressed me! I thought it was super imaginative to tell biblical stories through the viewpoints of children of the writers of the gospel. I also thought it was well written. It seemed like you took time to consider the way children would speak or write, and I appreciated that.
At first, I was a little skeptical of the way you chose to organize your story and shift between the son and father, but I think it worked. This allowed you to incorporate some banter into the story and make the story fun. The story you chose to retell is a classic one that most people will be familiar with, so you weren’t detracting from the story at all by adding your own flair. I think you’ve set your storybook up really well and I wish you the best of luck as you continue to add to it!
Wow, Jada. That red cover page certainly is an attention grabber! I really like the photo that you chose to use. The only think that I would change would be either the red background or the blue lettering on the navigation bar! Those two colors together sort of hurt the eyes a bit!
I thought that your introduction was wonderful and entertaining to read. You have a very nice writing style that flows well and is easy to follow along with! I love the very adolescent introductory paragraph that has young Elias introduce us to his "best friends." It is an adorable way of prefacing how the rest of your storybook will sound. One thing that could add a little extra to the page would be a picture either of Elias, one of his friends, or even a generic classroom.
Anyways, I really like that you are choosing to focus on Christianity throughout your stories from a biblical prospective. In my storybook, I also have a focus on Christianity, but from a more folklore point of view. I look forward to possibly reading more of your stories in the future! Have a great weekend!
Hi Jada! I'm from the Indian Epics class, and it's been so fun to be able to read storybooks from your class. Yours made me so glad I decided to read different ones! I absolutely love how you were able to give the boy a strong voice, which is able to contrast well with the father. I could totally see a ten year old narrating this! I also like that you did include the father interacting as his son told the story; it felt like a bedtime story and added some credibility to your idea, which by the way, is so creative! I never would have thought to explore biblical stories through the eyes of the disciples. It's so creative, and you set it up really well! I liked the design also, the red was eye-catching and helped the images stand out. It would be great to add more images maybe to add visual elements to complement your stories. I am looking forward to reading your storybook again; you are a great writer and you've chosen an excellent topic. It will be really interesting to see how you show different personalities between the different families. Great job!
Jada, I chose to read your storybook this week for my free choice. I was drawn to your title, “The Gospels: Tales from Our Dads”, and why you chose to add that particular subtitle. I like your welcome page and the image of the four men who wrote the Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Your site looks orderly and very easy to navigate, so that is great. I loved the introduction! I think it is fantastic the way you set up the storybook as told by the sons of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. The narrator sounds very 10-year-oldish, too. The part about the grape juice was really funny. You did a great job with the introduction. You did a very good job with the first story, as well. I love the story when Jesus feeds the five thousand men, because there are so many different things going on in the story. You hit on this by giving background information about the news Jesus had just received shortly before he performed this miracle. I also liked that Elias brought his dad to help him tell the story. Overall, this is a great storybook thus far. I would only suggest that you proofread it a tad, because I did notice some spelling errors. Other than that, you did a really great job.
Your storybook is fantastic! I love how the story is written from a child's point of view, and I think that the simple way you wrote it really exemplifies this point. I think it's cute how you made the boys become best friends by having them all get in trouble together for presenting the same things! Poor kids! I also like how you incorporated the feeling of amazement felt by the children when they figured out Jesus was a real person. I think your intro was wonderful.
Your first story was also wonderful! The fact that Elias used one of his dad's lessons to justify calling Jesus "Mr. Christ" was too funny; I laughed. I think the interaction between the father and his young son was accurately portrayed! You did a fantastic job with the story in showing the thought process of Elias in learning about Jesus and the story of Him feeding five thousand.
Overall, I love the general ida of your storybook! The only think I can say I would change is the color of the navigation links. I think the blue color is kind of harsh against such a bright red, but hey, that's just an aesthetic thing. I enjoyed reading your storybook though and I look forward to reading more!
Hey Jada. I decided to do the extra credit this week, and because I loved reading your storybook last week, I thought I would come back and see if you had completed another story that I could read and comment on. Since I have already commented on your cover page, introduction, and first story, I am only going to be commenting on your second story. Again, I love this idea of you retelling stories from the Gospels. I was interested to see which story you would chose to retell from the book of Mark. The story of Jesus walking on water is such a significant story in the Bible, and I think you did a great job by choosing this story. Some people who may not be Christian or are not familiar with the Bible are still probably familiar with this story, and I think you did a great job with telling this story through the dialogue between father and son. The use of dialogue between characters is such a useful and more creative way of telling a story. Great job overall and I will definitely be coming back to read more of your storybook!
Hi Jada! I really liked the theme of your storybook. I think it is a fun idea to write from the perspective as a child because that is not something we normally do. I think you definitely nailed the language and style of writing in the introduction. I really felt like I was reading something that a young boy was saying. I also really like your format and I love all the pictures that you put in because they go well with the theme. My only complaint is that the blue writing against the red background kind of hurts my eyes! I think that your writing style for this storybook makes sense. I think it it kind of neat how the children are talking to their fathers about Bible stories because in reality our parents do talk to us about the Bible a lot of the time. I think it is great that you put all of the very important parts in the stories because that is the only parts we really need to know. Especially for someone like me who has grown up hearing these stories a thousand times. I also love reading different takes on stories that I know so well. Great job with the storybook so far! I think it is going to be great and I look forward to reading more when you are finished! Good luck with the rest :)
I really like the theme of your storybook! I would have never thought to write a story about the Gospels written from a different point of view. Your blog looks good, the only thing is the vibrancy of the background makes it hard for me to read the text. I would try a softer color for the background to help make it a little more visually pleasing to the readers.
I thought your introduction was very well-written. It sounded like the character was really talking which was great. I liked that it was written like a child would speak, since a child is the main character and narrator. It definitely sparked my interest to keep reading.
Your first story was great! I liked how you took the approach of actual dialogue between characters to tell the story. It was an interesting approach and I really enjoyed it. I liked that you kept the original storyline but added in your own ideas and fun things!
Your second story was also very interesting. I liked that each story is narrated by a different boy in the original frame story. It was very well done.
The biggest thing with your storybook is that it it is just hard to read the black text on such a vibrant red background. If it was a little softer that would definitely help!
I decided to visit your storybook for my free choice this week! The title was very intriguing, and reeled me in as a reader. Your cover page is well put together and the image you have chosen is perfect. I cannot wait to read your introduction and first story.
Your writing skill is absolutely amazing. I like this diary-storytelling sort of feel that the narrator presents. This take on how the Gospels were written is amazing, and I love how you have emphasized that they're all practically the same story with a different twist. I think your storybook is especially great in that if someone does not have a christian background that they could learn part of the culture here, but it's not necessarily forced upon them. I will save your second story for when I have to come back, but I am ready to move onto the first tale!
Oh man, I love your approach to your storybook. I like the way you set up your dialogue between Elias and Matthew. I was previously familiar with this story, but I like how you took a more modern take on it and answered many questions that a reader would have. The way you addressed the workings of miracles, and that there really aren't any questions one could ask, was great and my favorite part. Great job, and I cannot wait to come back to read more of your work!
Hi Jada, I decided to read your storybook for my free choice this week. I thought it was brilliant how you set up your introduction since the gospels are all accounts that differ from each other by a little bit. I also like how you decided to tell your story from the perspective of a child, it adds an interesting angle to tell the story from since for a lot of us we have heard the gospels countless times. I also liked how you decided to tell your stories from each different kid since the gospels are from different authors with different perspectives. The first story did a very good job of retelling the Feeding of Five Thousand in the form of a Q&A. I would suggest maybe rereading towards the end of that first story because I spotted a couple run-on sentences and a misspelled word. Also I would change your narrator from saying Jesus to Mr. Christ since it looks like you were going for that throughout the story. Lastly, I would recommend fixing the colors and themes for your storybook like a lot of other people mentioned, the contrast really hurts your eyes reading. Maybe go for browns, tans, and grays like old paper or stone tablet since you are telling this from Biblical times. You could also maybe choose a sloppier font also since it is a child writing the story.
I chose your storybook as my extra reading for this week! The title caught my attention as I scrolled through the list! I love hearing stories from my Dad so I knew exactly when I saw this that I was going to read it! I love that you are using the parables from the Bible to retell. I never thought of doing this! I am a religious person and so I really appreciated the whole idea of your storybook! The cutest part, by far, was Eli calling Jesus "Mr. Christ". I "awed" out loud when I read that here in the library! Haha! I really want to come back and read the rest of your stories! Seeing things through a child's eyes is much more meaningful than an adults I believe. Kids don't complicate things as much. They see the truth and purity of things. Which is wonderful to convey gospels! Great job and please keep up the good work!!
I really like what you have done with this storybook! I was immediately interested when I saw your cover page and realized it would be about the Gospels. I also really like how creative were in making up the story about the children telling stories! Bravo, I love it!!! As far as the first story goes, I really like the script style. One thing though is that there were a few typos, at one point you have two "s" on the word "was" as well as later on in your author's note you left the y off of the word "story." One other thing on this story that you may want to consider is how the boy suddenly refers to him as Jesus instead of Mr. Christ. I would change that Jesus to Mr. Christ in order to keep it consistent. Other than that, everything looks great! I liked your second story as well, it was well-written and very interesting. I think the script style is a great way to tell these stories. Great job on what you have done so far! Can't wait to read the rest of your storybook. Keep up the excellent work and this storybook will be fabulous!
I have previously read your introduction and I remember thinking that this was going to be a great storybook! I decided to revisit your storybook as one of my free choices this week so I could see how your stories were going. The first story was great! I love that these kids are retailing the stories of their dads and that their dads are helping them write the stories. The way you set the story up is a great way to re-tale the gospels to any audience. It’s a detailed account of Jesus’s stories as he was sharing the gospel but very easy to stay engaged in. My favorite part of the story is the way you used the dad to teach the son a very important lesson. You don’t have to see miracles to believe in them. Some things we have to believe in with only our faith and I’m so glad you included that in your story! This was also a great story to put in your storybook. Jesus feeding the five thousand is a very well known story to most people whether they know about the gospels or not. Even if readers have never heard of this story, you did a great job on explaining about the original story and comparing it to yours.
Hi Jada! This is my first time reading your storybook and I just have to say you did a fantastic job! Your title is a perfect fit for your storybook. First of all, the visual of your entire storybook is great. The yellow really stands out, but it is not overwhelming. Your font is easy to read and the pictures you chose are really great!
As for content, your stories and introduction are all really awesome! You write very well. I mean top-notch work! I really like your concept of retelling Biblical stories through the eyes of children with the Gospels as their fathers. It definitely shows a different side of the Gospels as a regular father instead of disciples of Jesus. I liked it because it has a more relaxed vibe.
Your introduction gave a really good explanation of what your storybook is about while keeping with the same light-hearted narrative you have in all your stories. One small suggestion is to break up your paragraph in your introduction so it doesn't look as intimidating! As for you stories, I really liked the stories you chose! They are all very popular and, even though I am not much of a religious person, I know of these stories. After reading your Author’s notes, it is obvious that you really thought out each detail of the stories because each dialogue had a purpose for the overall story.
Although I am not a very religious, but I still enjoyed your storybook very much. I can definitely feel the passion and love you have for the Bible. It is really awesome. Keep up the good work and I am looking forward to reading your last story!
Hey Jada this was supposed to go in your introduction, but for some reason it would not let me post anything there!! It looks like we have a few things in common! I also love Disney, its the best! I also did cheer for part of my life. I actually was a dancer for 15 years, but when I got to high school, they did not have a pom or a dance team (it was a pretty small school). So I decided to try out for cheer, and I made it. From then on I cheered and after 1 year of cheering and dancing, I quit dance and decided to just focus on cheer because I liked it so much more. I hope you are having a good semester, and good luck on your finals!! Oh, and good luck with those three year olds too!
Hi Jada, I will be commenting about your storybook cover page as well as your introduction "The Gospels: Tales from Our Dads”. I absolutely loved your title! I love reading and studying the Gospels and I got excited when I saw that your storybook would be written about the Gospels. The cover page photo was very nice and simple but also portrayed the “dads” that were soon to be written about in the introduction, which was great. The words were kind of hard to read against that bright red background though, maybe think about using a different color that would still catch a reader’s attention but be easier to read off of! Your introduction was awesome. I felt like I was a little kid or teenager reading right along with the narrator. I loved the attitude that was portrayed and also the sense of embarrassment that he felt when he was reading his report. I can definitely relate! The idea of these kids coming together and bonding over their dads is pretty cool as well. Dads play such an important role in kids’ lives and the way you have made these characters idolize their dad is a great idea to base your storybook off of. I can not wait to read more about the stories these kids will be telling us about Jesus!
ReplyDeleteOverall my first impression of the cover page on your storybook is that it really succeeded in catching my attention! I have heard before that red is the color that is most noticed and that draws the most attention so you did a great job of picking a color! I think that the picture is also a good choice because it is fairly simple but still really interesting to look at; I caught myself examining it for quite some time! I like that you have kept the overall theme pretty simple, I think that that is an important aspect to keep in mind that you don’t want to overwhelm the reader by too many visual aspects going on. I like the name of your story and I think it will really help to draw people in to want to learn more! My overall thoughts on your introduction post were that it was written very well. I think that the fact that you had the kids bonding over their fathers is a great idea because that then allows for others to feel like they can relate! I am intrigued by this story and I look forward to coming back in the semester and reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi Jada! I was just wanting to thank you for your lovely comment on my Ramphsinitus Storytelling a few weeks ago! You noticed my Author's Note tat told everyone about how I thought the story would serve better in nursery rhyme format. I really appreciated you seeing that! Thank you again!
ReplyDeleteHi Jada! I decided to pick your storybook for my free pick this week. As I was scrolling through the list of storybooks, your title captured my attention. I saw "Gospels" and obviously thought, Gospels from the New Testament, but wasn't sure what "Tales from our Dads" meant. After reading your introduction, I was so excited that I picked your storybook to read this week! How creative to use Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John to be the "dads" in these stories. I like the picture on your cover page. I took a Byzantine Icons class last semester and learned a lot about that kind of art. It's pretty interesting! Your introduction was pretty funny at times because it is from the point of view of a young boy and because all four boys ended up writing their project on the same story. But what a great story it is, the story of Jesus! And I am sure if that teacher had never heard the story of Jesus, which I am assuming she has not, then no wonder she was confused and angry because it seems they obviously all copied each other. I have been reading through the book of Luke so I am excited to see what story you pick from their to retell! I will definitely be coming back to visit your storybook. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Jada! Going back through my posts so far this semester, I noticed that you have left a few very good comments on my work! I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to really read through my essays and provide solid and motivating feedback for me! It makes this class more enjoyable when you find people who take an interest in what you have to say (regardless of being assigned to a group that requires you to do so)! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHey Jada, I just wanted to take a few minutes to say thank you for all of the positive feedback you've left on my blog posts these past 7 weeks. While constructive criticism is always useful, it's nice to have people let you know that they liked a particular story you posted or perhaps something they read on the introduction that sounded interesting or demonstrated a common interest. Thank you so much!! I hope you have a great semester!!
ReplyDeleteHi Jada, I am going to be commenting on your google site as a whole. When I first clicked on the link to your page. I thought that the title was a very interesting pick so I assumed that I was in for a stories based on the bible and the gospel. So I thought this should be an interesting read. I love the use of color and images in your page – I think that it gives it a very traditional or cultural feel I believe is the word. I love how you have pictures of four men and how perfectly your image information fits with it all. Reading your introduction I love how you used a ten your old to make and introduction and the simplicity of the language used. I love how these best friends are going to create a book about all the stories they were told by their dads and I am assuming that these are the stories that will be used in your story book. It really makes me want to read now as I love stories told by children. I really liked how you chose to write you dialect making it easy to follow. You have set it up like a play on stage leaving the reader to use their imagination. Good job so far. I am interested to know what the end of your story book turns out like.
ReplyDeleteHi Jada! When I first got to your site, I felt like a lot of the colors were very bright! I do like the white, red, and yellow scheme of your cover page but I would suggest a darker red to make it easier on the eyes. I really like that the introduction is about Elias being young and in school because that really brings these stories together in a modern time frame. This introduction really made me smile because the boys all telling the same story is super cute, especially since it lead to them all being friends and I cannot wait to read the stories you choose from their point of view! I can definitely imagine kids talking about these story in the same way you wrote the perspective from Elias! Did you mean to make the last exclamation point on your introduction page a different color? I went ahead and read your first story too and I was surprised to see that you did it in an interview layout, but I think it really worked for the way Elias is telling the story! You are right in that the commentary adds depth to the story and I like his Dad’s personality. Well done!
ReplyDeleteJada, Thank you so much for your feedback on my week 2 storytelling. You had so much insight into my story that I actually based my rewrite of my authors note on your comment! You are a very insightful person and I hope I find more of your comments in the future. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWow Jada....I just took a peek at your Storybook and I thought it was fantastic. First, let me start by saying that I really like your cover page. The picture of the four is a very beautiful image and very fitting for your storybook collection. I am a religious person, but I have to say it’s been a long, long time since I’ve read any of the Bible. And I’ve never read the whole book cover to cover. So, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was pleasantly surprised.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started reading your introduction I was captured immediately. I adore children, I’d have a million of them if I could afford them all. So I dearly loved hearing these stories from Elias. The way you wrote the introduction, through a child’s voice ---- PERFECT!!! Really!!! I was smiling, and was imagining sitting and listening to the little guy tell me this in person. This type of storytelling carried over into your first story very nicely as well and I really enjoyed your addition of the father. I couldn’t agree with your author’s note more regarding adding another dimension by letting us “listen,” if you will, to Elias and his father, Matthew, tell us this story.
We’ve all obviously read a lot of storybook introductions and stories by this point in the semester, right? And I’ve enjoyed most of them; some more than others. But I can honestly say, I think yours is one of my favorites. The telling of it touched that little innocent part that we all have in us, no matter how old we get. Keep up the great writing!!
I just wanted to stop by and thank you for leaving such a great comment on my portfolio post! I really appreciate that you said you thought it was interesting how I added in the baby wolf and also that you noticed that I changed the way the characters were portrayed. I also that it is great that you went back and read the original story to compare and contrast! Again thank you for your comment!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jada for your comments on my stories! I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your feedback and I'm glad you like my stories. Don't worry, one day I will finish my story about Bri so you can see what really happened to her.
ReplyDeleteI like how you've chosen a traditional image for your coverpage. I've always loved to see the patterns in which characters from the Bible are depicted in art. Overall, you've done a good job at writing in the tone of a child through the introduction and your first story. For example, you are able to capture Elias' disbelief when he hears that his best friends end up recounting the same story for their reports. I take it as a humorous comment on the similarity of the Gospels in the Bible. Having had read them myself, I know exactly what Elias is talking about.
ReplyDeleteThe back-and-forth you have between Matthew and his son is refreshing. In fact, you might try eliminating the E and M before each line of dialogue. In my opinion, it should be pretty easy to follow who is saying what line.
The most important suggestion I have to make is that you change the color of your background. That red nearly burns my retinas, and I have a hard time making out some of the text upon the background. If you could make that simple change, it would make your Storybook even more enjoyable! In any case, good work!
Jada, I liked the image you selected for your cover page and it got my attention immediately. Because the image is more subdued-looking, I would suggest trying a different background color because I personally find the red to be a little harsh. If you do want to keep the red background, I think white font is a good choice. All the navigation worked fine for me.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction impressed me! I thought it was super imaginative to tell biblical stories through the viewpoints of children of the writers of the gospel. I also thought it was well written. It seemed like you took time to consider the way children would speak or write, and I appreciated that.
At first, I was a little skeptical of the way you chose to organize your story and shift between the son and father, but I think it worked. This allowed you to incorporate some banter into the story and make the story fun. The story you chose to retell is a classic one that most people will be familiar with, so you weren’t detracting from the story at all by adding your own flair. I think you’ve set your storybook up really well and I wish you the best of luck as you continue to add to it!
Wow, Jada. That red cover page certainly is an attention grabber! I really like the photo that you chose to use. The only think that I would change would be either the red background or the blue lettering on the navigation bar! Those two colors together sort of hurt the eyes a bit!
ReplyDeleteI thought that your introduction was wonderful and entertaining to read. You have a very nice writing style that flows well and is easy to follow along with! I love the very adolescent introductory paragraph that has young Elias introduce us to his "best friends." It is an adorable way of prefacing how the rest of your storybook will sound. One thing that could add a little extra to the page would be a picture either of Elias, one of his friends, or even a generic classroom.
Anyways, I really like that you are choosing to focus on Christianity throughout your stories from a biblical prospective. In my storybook, I also have a focus on Christianity, but from a more folklore point of view. I look forward to possibly reading more of your stories in the future! Have a great weekend!
Hi Jada! I'm from the Indian Epics class, and it's been so fun to be able to read storybooks from your class. Yours made me so glad I decided to read different ones! I absolutely love how you were able to give the boy a strong voice, which is able to contrast well with the father. I could totally see a ten year old narrating this! I also like that you did include the father interacting as his son told the story; it felt like a bedtime story and added some credibility to your idea, which by the way, is so creative! I never would have thought to explore biblical stories through the eyes of the disciples. It's so creative, and you set it up really well! I liked the design also, the red was eye-catching and helped the images stand out. It would be great to add more images maybe to add visual elements to complement your stories. I am looking forward to reading your storybook again; you are a great writer and you've chosen an excellent topic. It will be really interesting to see how you show different personalities between the different families. Great job!
ReplyDeleteJada,
ReplyDeleteI chose to read your storybook this week for my free choice. I was drawn to your title, “The Gospels: Tales from Our Dads”, and why you chose to add that particular subtitle.
I like your welcome page and the image of the four men who wrote the Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Your site looks orderly and very easy to navigate, so that is great.
I loved the introduction! I think it is fantastic the way you set up the storybook as told by the sons of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. The narrator sounds very 10-year-oldish, too. The part about the grape juice was really funny. You did a great job with the introduction.
You did a very good job with the first story, as well. I love the story when Jesus feeds the five thousand men, because there are so many different things going on in the story. You hit on this by giving background information about the news Jesus had just received shortly before he performed this miracle. I also liked that Elias brought his dad to help him tell the story.
Overall, this is a great storybook thus far. I would only suggest that you proofread it a tad, because I did notice some spelling errors. Other than that, you did a really great job.
Jada,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is fantastic! I love how the story is written from a child's point of view, and I think that the simple way you wrote it really exemplifies this point. I think it's cute how you made the boys become best friends by having them all get in trouble together for presenting the same things! Poor kids! I also like how you incorporated the feeling of amazement felt by the children when they figured out Jesus was a real person. I think your intro was wonderful.
Your first story was also wonderful! The fact that Elias used one of his dad's lessons to justify calling Jesus "Mr. Christ" was too funny; I laughed. I think the interaction between the father and his young son was accurately portrayed! You did a fantastic job with the story in showing the thought process of Elias in learning about Jesus and the story of Him feeding five thousand.
Overall, I love the general ida of your storybook! The only think I can say I would change is the color of the navigation links. I think the blue color is kind of harsh against such a bright red, but hey, that's just an aesthetic thing. I enjoyed reading your storybook though and I look forward to reading more!
Hey Jada. I decided to do the extra credit this week, and because I loved reading your storybook last week, I thought I would come back and see if you had completed another story that I could read and comment on. Since I have already commented on your cover page, introduction, and first story, I am only going to be commenting on your second story. Again, I love this idea of you retelling stories from the Gospels. I was interested to see which story you would chose to retell from the book of Mark. The story of Jesus walking on water is such a significant story in the Bible, and I think you did a great job by choosing this story. Some people who may not be Christian or are not familiar with the Bible are still probably familiar with this story, and I think you did a great job with telling this story through the dialogue between father and son. The use of dialogue between characters is such a useful and more creative way of telling a story. Great job overall and I will definitely be coming back to read more of your storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi Jada!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the theme of your storybook. I think it is a fun idea to write from the perspective as a child because that is not something we normally do. I think you definitely nailed the language and style of writing in the introduction. I really felt like I was reading something that a young boy was saying.
I also really like your format and I love all the pictures that you put in because they go well with the theme. My only complaint is that the blue writing against the red background kind of hurts my eyes! I think that your writing style for this storybook makes sense. I think it it kind of neat how the children are talking to their fathers about Bible stories because in reality our parents do talk to us about the Bible a lot of the time. I think it is great that you put all of the very important parts in the stories because that is the only parts we really need to know. Especially for someone like me who has grown up hearing these stories a thousand times. I also love reading different takes on stories that I know so well. Great job with the storybook so far! I think it is going to be great and I look forward to reading more when you are finished! Good luck with the rest :)
Jada,
ReplyDeleteI really like the theme of your storybook! I would have never thought to write a story about the Gospels written from a different point of view. Your blog looks good, the only thing is the vibrancy of the background makes it hard for me to read the text. I would try a softer color for the background to help make it a little more visually pleasing to the readers.
I thought your introduction was very well-written. It sounded like the character was really talking which was great. I liked that it was written like a child would speak, since a child is the main character and narrator. It definitely sparked my interest to keep reading.
Your first story was great! I liked how you took the approach of actual dialogue between characters to tell the story. It was an interesting approach and I really enjoyed it. I liked that you kept the original storyline but added in your own ideas and fun things!
Your second story was also very interesting. I liked that each story is narrated by a different boy in the original frame story. It was very well done.
The biggest thing with your storybook is that it it is just hard to read the black text on such a vibrant red background. If it was a little softer that would definitely help!
Jada,
ReplyDeleteI decided to visit your storybook for my free choice this week! The title was very intriguing, and reeled me in as a reader. Your cover page is well put together and the image you have chosen is perfect. I cannot wait to read your introduction and first story.
Your writing skill is absolutely amazing. I like this diary-storytelling sort of feel that the narrator presents. This take on how the Gospels were written is amazing, and I love how you have emphasized that they're all practically the same story with a different twist. I think your storybook is especially great in that if someone does not have a christian background that they could learn part of the culture here, but it's not necessarily forced upon them. I will save your second story for when I have to come back, but I am ready to move onto the first tale!
Oh man, I love your approach to your storybook. I like the way you set up your dialogue between Elias and Matthew. I was previously familiar with this story, but I like how you took a more modern take on it and answered many questions that a reader would have. The way you addressed the workings of miracles, and that there really aren't any questions one could ask, was great and my favorite part. Great job, and I cannot wait to come back to read more of your work!
Hi Jada,
ReplyDeleteI decided to read your storybook for my free choice this week. I thought it was brilliant how you set up your introduction since the gospels are all accounts that differ from each other by a little bit. I also like how you decided to tell your story from the perspective of a child, it adds an interesting angle to tell the story from since for a lot of us we have heard the gospels countless times. I also liked how you decided to tell your stories from each different kid since the gospels are from different authors with different perspectives. The first story did a very good job of retelling the Feeding of Five Thousand in the form of a Q&A. I would suggest maybe rereading towards the end of that first story because I spotted a couple run-on sentences and a misspelled word. Also I would change your narrator from saying Jesus to Mr. Christ since it looks like you were going for that throughout the story. Lastly, I would recommend fixing the colors and themes for your storybook like a lot of other people mentioned, the contrast really hurts your eyes reading. Maybe go for browns, tans, and grays like old paper or stone tablet since you are telling this from Biblical times. You could also maybe choose a sloppier font also since it is a child writing the story.
Hi Jada!
ReplyDeleteI chose your storybook as my extra reading for this week! The title caught my attention as I scrolled through the list! I love hearing stories from my Dad so I knew exactly when I saw this that I was going to read it! I love that you are using the parables from the Bible to retell. I never thought of doing this! I am a religious person and so I really appreciated the whole idea of your storybook! The cutest part, by far, was Eli calling Jesus "Mr. Christ". I "awed" out loud when I read that here in the library! Haha! I really want to come back and read the rest of your stories! Seeing things through a child's eyes is much more meaningful than an adults I believe. Kids don't complicate things as much. They see the truth and purity of things. Which is wonderful to convey gospels! Great job and please keep up the good work!!
Hello Jada!
ReplyDeleteI really like what you have done with this storybook! I was immediately interested when I saw your cover page and realized it would be about the Gospels. I also really like how creative were in making up the story about the children telling stories! Bravo, I love it!!! As far as the first story goes, I really like the script style. One thing though is that there were a few typos, at one point you have two "s" on the word "was" as well as later on in your author's note you left the y off of the word "story." One other thing on this story that you may want to consider is how the boy suddenly refers to him as Jesus instead of Mr. Christ. I would change that Jesus to Mr. Christ in order to keep it consistent. Other than that, everything looks great! I liked your second story as well, it was well-written and very interesting. I think the script style is a great way to tell these stories. Great job on what you have done so far! Can't wait to read the rest of your storybook. Keep up the excellent work and this storybook will be fabulous!
Hello Jada, thank you for your comments on my storybook. You coming back to read more as your free choice made me feel great. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI have previously read your introduction and I remember thinking that this was going to be a great storybook! I decided to revisit your storybook as one of my free choices this week so I could see how your stories were going. The first story was great! I love that these kids are retailing the stories of their dads and that their dads are helping them write the stories. The way you set the story up is a great way to re-tale the gospels to any audience. It’s a detailed account of Jesus’s stories as he was sharing the gospel but very easy to stay engaged in. My favorite part of the story is the way you used the dad to teach the son a very important lesson. You don’t have to see miracles to believe in them. Some things we have to believe in with only our faith and I’m so glad you included that in your story! This was also a great story to put in your storybook. Jesus feeding the five thousand is a very well known story to most people whether they know about the gospels or not. Even if readers have never heard of this story, you did a great job on explaining about the original story and comparing it to yours.
ReplyDeleteHi Jada! This is my first time reading your storybook and I just have to say you did a fantastic job! Your title is a perfect fit for your storybook. First of all, the visual of your entire storybook is great. The yellow really stands out, but it is not overwhelming. Your font is easy to read and the pictures you chose are really great!
ReplyDeleteAs for content, your stories and introduction are all really awesome! You write very well. I mean top-notch work! I really like your concept of retelling Biblical stories through the eyes of children with the Gospels as their fathers. It definitely shows a different side of the Gospels as a regular father instead of disciples of Jesus. I liked it because it has a more relaxed vibe.
Your introduction gave a really good explanation of what your storybook is about while keeping with the same light-hearted narrative you have in all your stories. One small suggestion is to break up your paragraph in your introduction so it doesn't look as intimidating! As for you stories, I really liked the stories you chose! They are all very popular and, even though I am not much of a religious person, I know of these stories. After reading your Author’s notes, it is obvious that you really thought out each detail of the stories because each dialogue had a purpose for the overall story.
Although I am not a very religious, but I still enjoyed your storybook very much. I can definitely feel the passion and love you have for the Bible. It is really awesome. Keep up the good work and I am looking forward to reading your last story!
Hey Jada this was supposed to go in your introduction, but for some reason it would not let me post anything there!!
ReplyDeleteIt looks like we have a few things in common! I also love Disney, its the best! I also did cheer for part of my life. I actually was a dancer for 15 years, but when I got to high school, they did not have a pom or a dance team (it was a pretty small school). So I decided to try out for cheer, and I made it. From then on I cheered and after 1 year of cheering and dancing, I quit dance and decided to just focus on cheer because I liked it so much more. I hope you are having a good semester, and good luck on your finals!! Oh, and good luck with those three year olds too!